And when the rain falls down You know the flowers are gonna bloom And when the hard times come You know the teacher's in the room Excerpt: MICHAEL FRANTI - HAVE A LITTLE FAITH LYRICS To say this past month has been an emotional rollercoaster would be an understatement. I stay very busy between job hunting, my internship and other projects I have on the burner, but my addiction has been making a very convincing play for my life. I find that nights are the worst, which is when I would typically drink. I am also in amazement at how quickly I am returning to the person I was ten years ago. I thought I had evolved, but it turns out I was just drunk all this time. Today happens to be a good day and by that I mean that the monster living somewhere inside me is asleep. I see my addiction as this little green monster that stays locked up in a cell and from time to time he wakes up and throws a temper tantrum, which is when I crave like a crazed maniac. I just have to remember that if I feed the monster, he will get bigger and eventually break out of the cell and destroy my body and my life. But, if I do not feed the monster, his temper tantrum will eventually give way and he will give up and go back to sleep. The key is to not feed him. I recently read in 2 Corinthians that Paul talks about feeling as though the end is near, feeling as though there is no way out, but that his God continually rescues him. This made me think about my own cravings because when they come, they come strong and hard and I feel as though I will die if I don’t drink. It occurred to me that during these times I need to just talk to God about what I’m feeling and ask Him to handle that monster. I find that sometimes, just talking to God about my cravings and the fear and depression that comes with them can help restore some of my sanity. It also occurred to me that if I am having a craving when I have somewhere to be and feel too overwhelmed to go, I should make the decision to do nothing more than show up and tell God that He will have to handle the rest. Just showing up, after all, is something I can handle regardless of my state of being and I have found that when I am honest with God, He tends to honor my weakness by adding His own touch to the situation whether it be a friendly person, an easy on ramp, a parking spot right in front of the door or a renewed mind and spirit, I find that He shows up when I do. In fact, this entire post is an example of God honoring my weakness in that I honestly chose to sit at the computer even though I didn’t think I had anything to say for this month. With holiday season nipping at our heels, it turns out this is a great time to post about reliance on God. If you have a roof over your head, food on your table and people that love you then be THANKFUL for the gifts God has given you because these things we refer to as necessities really are nothing more than gifts from our Heavenly Father. If you are lacking in one or all of these departments don’t feel bad or unworthy. Instead, turn yourself over to God all day everyday, surrender to His will and ask for His plans for you. I have no doubt that He will see you through not only this holiday season, but through the rest of your life as well. Let me just put it this way, if He still has a plan for my self-sabotaging and addicted butt, then He has to have a plan for you too so talk to Him daily, get in His word and just keep showing up. Do these things and let him do the leading and you will have peace in knowing you are exactly where you are meant to be in order for His plan to unfold in your life.
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I have to say that I am both a skeptic and a seeker at heart, but when you have personal life changing experiences with both God and the devil you tend to cease with all the questioning and start listening and can be a wonderful thing. I have decided to keep this particular post short and sweet and in doing so I will not be sharing my first hand experiences with the devil and his minions for it is not he that I wish to bring any sort of glory to anyhow. Instead I will focus on three very powerful experiences I have had with what I believe to be angels or archangels.
The very first visit is engrained in my mind and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I was in very bad sorts and in the process of desperately crying out to God. I was sitting on my bed to be exact and in the middle of pleading for help from both God and His warrior, Saint Michael the Archangel when I suddenly looked up and over to my right. To this day I have no idea why I looked where and when I did, but I feel that something or someone made sure I saw what I saw and that was what I believe to be Saint Michael. There floating right about eye-level next to my chest of drawers was a beautiful golden sphere of light. The center was pure gold and it had rays of gold extending out in every direction. This sphere was only there for a second or two and then it was gone. It took me a minute but I realized that the formerly cold and heavy room I was sitting in was now warm and glowing with an abundance of love. I felt light as a feather and had a smile the size of Texas plastered across my face. I giggled and giggled and giggled in complete and pure delight and the feeling lasted for about three or four days. All I can say is that I was in complete peace. Every care and concern of this world had vanished and I was in a state of pure ecstasy. I cannot put into words what my soul felt for it is simply beyond words, beyond this human experience. It took me a long time, but I eventually came to the conclusion that what I felt that night and for the majority of the rest of that week is only the tiniest smidgeon of what it must be like to be in Heaven. And yes, to this day my mind is still completely and utterly blown by this revelation. The second visit occurred in the middle of service at the messianic synagogue I was visiting. A family had come in with a woman who was obviously fighting cancer and she sat beside me. I learned that this was the first time in quite a few months that she was strong enough to attend service. Consequently, the rabbi wanted to bring her up front and have the congregation pray for her. I believe, at the time, she had undergone a surgery and was gearing up for a transfusion and chemo with no guarantee of any sort of success. Needless to say, the medical doctors were doing all they could and if God had any further purpose for her on this planet He was going to have to step in as human medicine was about to run out of options. The rabbi called her and her family up and the congregation began praying as the rabbi rebuked the cancer. Afterwards, she returned to her seat, but there was something very different. There was a presence with her that was not with her before. I was absolutely thrilled to bask in this overwhelming presence of peace, as I needed some myself. As the service continued I slowly became aware of the fact that since I am sensitive I may very well be the only person in this synagogue who knows that this lady had gone up to get prayer and had come back to her seat with an angel. A year later, I was still visiting the same synagogue when the rabbi reported that this woman was in remission. It was on this day that I realized I had been privy to a miracle and I never even knew it. I use to get really upset about being a sensitive, but after this experience I am no longer upset about it. I may not always understand nor like some of the things that come along with being sensitive, but being privy to a miracle is pretty much one of the most awesome things anyone can ever be a part of while being on this planet. The third visit also occurred in a service at the same messianic synagogue. This time the visitation occurred at the closing ceremony of Yom Kippur. During the service I had specifically asked for freedom and that my mind, heart, and third eye would be guarded. As the shofar sounded I felt lightness in my chest. The feeling became bigger and lighter and I felt as if my soul might implode or explode… I wasn’t sure, but the feeling was lovely. I assumed that it was my soul-self recognizing the sound of the shofar and it was not until I got in my car afterwards that I realized I again had a smile the size of Texas plastered on my face. I laughed and giggled uncontrollably all the way home. This time I had been in close proximity of what I assume was an archangel and I hadn’t even been aware of it. I was floored yet again. I have a few guesses about this visitation: (1) Angels came close to watch over the closing ceremony, (2) the sounding of the shofar brought angels into the service or (3) I was freed from a stronghold like I requested during the service. Either way, I know that heavenly visitors joined in the closing ceremony and I think that’s just awesome. Like I said, short, sweet and to the point. I am still floored over the whole smidgeon of Heaven bit, but God’s been blowing my mind a lot lately and I for one hope His trend continues. |
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